Universities jokes

where GTU stands for gujarat technological university
by: dhawal

Nerd

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manmohan jokes

After the series of scams in Lok Sabha, a congress MP during his speech told a story.....
"There was a father who gave 100 rupees each to his 3 sons and asked them to buy things and fill up a room completely."

First son bought hay for Rs. 100 but couldn't fill the room entirely.

Second son bought cotton for Rs. 100 but couldn't fill the room entirely.

Third son bought a candle for Rs. 1 and lit it up and the room was filled with light completely."

The MP added "Our Prime Minister(Manmohan singh) is like the third son. Since the day he has taken charge of his office, our country is filled with the bright light of prosperity"

A voice from the backbench(BJP) asked:
"Woh sab toh theek hai(all that is fine but)... but what about the remaining Rs. 99?" 

from: Ankit

  more jokes on manmohan singh

interview tips

The best interview ever

Interviewer : Tell me about yourself.

Candidate: I ...am Rameshwar Kulkarni. I did my Tele Communication engineering from BabanRao Dhole-Patil Inst it ute of Technology.

Interviewer : BabanRao Dhole-Patil Inst it ute of Technology? I had never heard of this college before!

Candidate : Great! Even I had not heard of it before getting an admission into it.

What happened was – due to cricket world cup I scored badly! in 12th.I was getting a paid seat in a good college. But my father said (I prefer to call him ‘baap’) – “I can not invest so much of money”.(The baap actually said – “I will never waste so much of money on you”). So I had to join this college. Frankly speaking this name – BabanRao Dhole-Patil, can at the most be related to a Shetakari Mahavidyalaya

Interviewer: ok, ok. It seems you have taken 6 years to complete your engineering.
Candidate : Actually I tried my best to finish it in 4 years. But you know, these cricket matches and football world cup, and tennis tournaments. It is difficult to concentrate. So I flunked in 2nd and 3rd year. So in all I took 4 + 2 = 7 years.

Interviewer: But 4+2 is 6.
Candidate: Oh, is it ? You know I always had KT in maths. But I will try to keep this in mind. 4+2 is 6, good, thanks. These cricket matches really affect exams a lot.. I think they should ban it .

Interviewer : Good to know that you want cricket matches to be banned.
Candidate : No, no… I am talking about Exams!!

Interviewer: Ok, What is your biggest achievement in life?
Candidate : Obviously, completing my Engineering. My mom never thought I would complete it . In fact, when I flunked in 3rd year, she was looking for a job for me in BEST (Bus corporation in Maharashtra ) through some relative.

Interviewer : Do you have any plans of higher study?
Candidate: LOL.. Are you kidding? Completing ‘lower’ education it self was so much of pain!!

Interviewer : Let’s talk about technical stuff. On which platforms have you worked?
Candidate : Well, I work at SEEPZ, so you can say Andheri is my current platforms. Earlier I was at Vashi center. So Vashi was my platform then. As you can see I have experience of different platforms! (Vashi and Andheri are the places in Mumbai)

Interviewer : And which languages have you used?
Candidate : Marathi, Hindi, English. By the way, I can keep quiet in German, French, Russian and many other languages.

Interviewer: Why VC is better than VB?
Candidate : It is a common sense – C comes after B. So VC is a higher version than VB. I heard very soon they are coming up w it h a new language VD!

Interviewer: Do you know anything about Assembly Language?
Candidate: Well, I have not heard of it . But I guess, this is the language our ministers and MPs use in assembly.

Interviewer : What is your general project experience?
Candidate : My general experience about projects is – most of the times they are in pipeline!

Interviewer: Can you tell me about your current job?
Candidate: Sure, Currently I am working for Bata Info Tech ltd. Since joining BIL, I am on Bench. Before joining BIL, I used to think that Bench was another software like Windows.

Interviewer : Do you have any project management experience?
Candidate: No, but I guess it shouldn’t be difficult. I know Word and Excel. I can talk a lot. I know how to dial for International phone call and use speaker facility. And very important – I know few words like – ‘Showstoppers ‘ , ‘hot fixes’, ‘SEI-CMM’, ‘quality’, ‘version control’, ‘deadlines’ , ‘Customer Satisfaction’ etc. Also I can blame others for my mistakes!

Interviewer: What are your expectations from our company?
Candidate : Not much.
1. I should at least get 40,000 in hand..
2. I would like to work on a live EJB project. But it should not have deadlines. I personally feel that pressure affects natural talent.
3. I believe in flexi-timings.
4. Dress Code is against basic freedom, so I would like to wear t-shirt and jeans.
5. We must have sat-sun off. I will suggest Wednesday off also, so as to avoid breakdown due to overwork.
6. I would like to go abroad 3 times a year on short term preferably 1-2 months) assignments. Personally I prefer US, Australia and Europe. But considering the fact that there are Olympics coming up in england in the current year, I don’t mind going there in that period. As you can see I am modest and don’t have many expectations. So can I assume my selection?

Interviewer : he he he ha ha ha. Thanks for your interest in our organization. In fact I was never entertained so much before. Welcome to INFOSYS.

The fellow was appointed in a newly created section ‘Stress Management’ in the HRD of Infosys.

so just be honest in your interviews who knows? you might be the next Rameshwar Kulkarni

for more articles on interviews please check link

Abhishek manu singhvi jokes video

Abhishek manu singhvi on facebook shortly after the incident share!

mumbai indians jokes and ipl jokes

what is the similarity between Mumbai Indians and India?
both have a sardar captain (manmohan singh and harbhajan singh)
but are run by female (Neeta ambani and sonia gandi(this is not intentional))
and kapil sibal is going to have a problem with this post :(
#iplnonsense
more IPL jokes

mosquito mosquito mosquito

sick of mosquito? read this one
Girl: what are you doing?
Boy: killing mosquitoes
Girl: how many did you kill?
Boy: A total of 5 of which 3 were females and the other 2 were males
Girl: yuk! how do you know their gender?
Boy: those 3 were near the mirror and the others were near my beer bottle !

movies jokes and hollywood movies jokes

what do movies teach us!

• that the Chinese have nothing better to do than teaching or practice Kung Fu.

• More than 50% of U.S. population are FBI/CIA agents, working undercover.

• The purpose of school system of U.S. is to promote basketball.

• Aliens have special interest in attacking U.S.

• U.S. is a place where you can meet all mythical creatures like werewolves and vampires.

   check more jokes on movies

apple jokes

how apple was completed by android and it became an apple joke.
what do you think about it? let us know by a comment

exam papers

what do you expect from this student when his exam papers are such! lol
what do you think? give a comment

cricket jokes

the only advantage of a cricket match is that there won't be any traffic on the streets while the cricket match is on!
and thats the advantage of IPL matches too

perfect weather weather weather

funny Ipl jokes

the biggest circus of the world is organized in India every year in april may and held at different venues around the country.
It is named as "DLF IPL" and the best part of this circus is that all millionaires are jokers who dance around the fields to make money.

cricket jokes and ipl jokes

son: dad i know to play cricket but I am not able to see anymore properly, is there still anyway I can be attached with cricket?
Dad: ya sure, become an umpire.

love jokes , love joke

the best and shortest love story ever
He proposed, she smiled,
no teeth, he died...!! 
 by: nishit

best rajnikant jokes rajnikant

Rajnikant jokes