Saturday 31 December 2011
Tuesday 27 December 2011
Saturday 24 December 2011
fever remedies
santa sends an SMS to his boss: "dear boss i will not be able to come to office today as I am down with fever!"
Santa's boss replies : "When I am sick I kiss my wife, try it.."
2 hours later
Santa replies: "I am ok now sir, thank you for showing the remedy, and your wife is very sweet!"
by: kunal
Santa's boss replies : "When I am sick I kiss my wife, try it.."
2 hours later
Santa replies: "I am ok now sir, thank you for showing the remedy, and your wife is very sweet!"
by: kunal
Thursday 22 December 2011
Tuesday 20 December 2011
Monday 19 December 2011
Saturday 17 December 2011
Two wisest advices
1. Never laugh at your wife's choice because,
You are one of them. :D
2. Never be proud of your choice because,
Your wife is one of them. :D
You are one of them. :D
2. Never be proud of your choice because,
Your wife is one of them. :D
Friday 16 December 2011
Thursday 15 December 2011
The engineers joke
Tuesday 13 December 2011
Impact of Job Change
A taxi passenger touched the driver on shoulder to ask something
Driver screamed, lost control of the car, went up on the footpath & Stopped few centimeters from a shop
The driver said: "Don't ever do that again, you scared me"
Passenger apologized and said: "I didn't realize a little touch would scare you so much"
Driver replied: "Sorry, it's not your fault its my 1st day as a Cab driver.I've been driving a van carrying dead bodies for last 25 yrs.
by: parth
Driver screamed, lost control of the car, went up on the footpath & Stopped few centimeters from a shop
The driver said: "Don't ever do that again, you scared me"
Passenger apologized and said: "I didn't realize a little touch would scare you so much"
Driver replied: "Sorry, it's not your fault its my 1st day as a Cab driver.I've been driving a van carrying dead bodies for last 25 yrs.
by: parth
Sunday 11 December 2011
what not to do on boat!
A silly tourist asked a boat guy:"do you know Biology, Psychology, Geography,Geology?"
The boat guy said: "NO to all the questions"
The tourist then said:"What the hell you know on the face of this earth? You will die of illiteracy!!
After a while, the boat started sinking, so the boatman asked the tourist:"Do you know Swimology and escapology from Crocodilogy?"
The tourist said: NO !!
The boat guy replied: "Well you will Drownology and Crocodilogy will eat your Bodiology and you will Dieology because of your badmouthology"
by:kunal
The boat guy said: "NO to all the questions"
The tourist then said:"What the hell you know on the face of this earth? You will die of illiteracy!!
After a while, the boat started sinking, so the boatman asked the tourist:"Do you know Swimology and escapology from Crocodilogy?"
The tourist said: NO !!
The boat guy replied: "Well you will Drownology and Crocodilogy will eat your Bodiology and you will Dieology because of your badmouthology"
by:kunal
Saturday 10 December 2011
Thursday 8 December 2011
Wednesday 7 December 2011
Tuesday 6 December 2011
who is she?
A boy was going with his girlfriend
his friend asked : who is she?
Boy : she is my cousin.
his friend said: last year she was my cousin.!
by:kunal
his friend asked : who is she?
Boy : she is my cousin.
his friend said: last year she was my cousin.!
by:kunal
Monday 5 December 2011
Kolaveri Student Version
Yo students i am singing
song
exam song
fail song
why this kolaveri kolaveri kolaveri di...
rhythm correct
kaila book
only english..
hand la book
book la notes
eyes-u full-aa tear-u
empty brain-u
exam u come-u
life reverse gear-u
maam-u maam-u
oh my maam-u
you taught me sum-u
cow-u cow-u holy cow-u
is this in syllabus-u
god i m dying now-u
invigilator is happy how-u
this song for students- u
we dont have choice-u
why this kolaveri kolaveri kolaveri di
fail song!
song
exam song
fail song
why this kolaveri kolaveri kolaveri di...
rhythm correct
kaila book
only english..
hand la book
book la notes
eyes-u full-aa tear-u
empty brain-u
exam u come-u
life reverse gear-u
maam-u maam-u
oh my maam-u
you taught me sum-u
cow-u cow-u holy cow-u
is this in syllabus-u
god i m dying now-u
invigilator is happy how-u
this song for students- u
we dont have choice-u
why this kolaveri kolaveri kolaveri di
fail song!
ultimate answer!
teacher : why r u late??
student: does it really matters??
you still get paid ..
you still get paid ..
by: kunal
Saturday 3 December 2011
recognise this guy?
Once santa was thinking while looking at the mirror!! "I have seen this guy somewhere..."
After some time he jumped up in the air saying yaa i got it! "He was sitting opposite me in saloon for haircut!!"
After some time he jumped up in the air saying yaa i got it! "He was sitting opposite me in saloon for haircut!!"
Friday 2 December 2011
Thursday 1 December 2011
Barack obama jokes!
guess why Barack Obama is more popular in China than in America?
Because he created more jobs there!
Because then he would be a racist!
Wednesday 30 November 2011
Monday 28 November 2011
Sunday 27 November 2011
3 Reasons 2 Give Exam
1. you can spend 3 hours in self meditation.
2. you can complete your sleep.
3. you can see your teachers being bored who usually bore you
Saturday 26 November 2011
the cute loveletter!
Girlfriend: i kiss every stamp pasted on your letter addressed to me....because i know your lips would have touched it before while applying it!
Boyfriend: uhh!! actually i affix the stamps after rubbing them with my dog's nose!
Boyfriend: uhh!! actually i affix the stamps after rubbing them with my dog's nose!
Monday 21 November 2011
can u plz help me
Me: “How can I help you today, ma’am?”
Client: “Is e-mail internet”?
Me: “I beg your pardon?”
Client: “Is e-mail on the internet? I have no internet, can I still read my e-mail?”
Me: “Well yes, you must be able to get online to view your e-mail.”
Client: “Oh, dear. I can’t see my e-mail.”
Me: “Well, let’s see. Can you open up Internet Explorer for me and tell me what you see?”
Client: “Open what?”
Me: “Your browser, can you open up your browser?”
Client: “My…my…?”
Me: “What you click on when you want to browse the internet?”
Client: “I don’t use anything, I just turn my computer on, and it’s there.”
Me: “Okay. Do you see the little blue ‘e’ icon on your desktop?”
Client: “You mean I have to start writing letters again?”
Me: “I’m…what, I’m sorry?”
Client: “I don’t have any pens at my desk. I just want my e-mail again.”
Me: “No, ma’am, your desktop, on your computer screen. Can you click on the little blue ‘e’ on your computer screen for me?”
Client: “Oh, this is too much work. I’m too upset. Just send me my e-mail. Can’t you send me my e-mail?”
Me: “We…okay, ma’am. Can you tell me what color the lights are on your router right now?”
Client: “My what?”
Me: “The little box with green or possibly a couple of red lights on it right now - it’s most likely near your computer?”
Client: “Lights and boxes, boxes and lights, just get my e-mail for me.
Me: “My test is showing that you should be able to get online right now. Can you tell me what you’re seeing on your computer screen?”
Client: “It’s been the same thing for the last two hours.”
Me: “An error message?”
Client: “No, just stars. It’s black and moving stars.”
Me: “…Do you see your mouse next to your keyboard?”
Client: “Yes.”
Me: “Move it for me.”
Client: “Move it?”
Me: “Yes. Move it.”
Client: “My e-mail!”
Client: “Is e-mail internet”?
Me: “I beg your pardon?”
Client: “Is e-mail on the internet? I have no internet, can I still read my e-mail?”
Me: “Well yes, you must be able to get online to view your e-mail.”
Client: “Oh, dear. I can’t see my e-mail.”
Me: “Well, let’s see. Can you open up Internet Explorer for me and tell me what you see?”
Client: “Open what?”
Me: “Your browser, can you open up your browser?”
Client: “My…my…?”
Me: “What you click on when you want to browse the internet?”
Client: “I don’t use anything, I just turn my computer on, and it’s there.”
Me: “Okay. Do you see the little blue ‘e’ icon on your desktop?”
Client: “You mean I have to start writing letters again?”
Me: “I’m…what, I’m sorry?”
Client: “I don’t have any pens at my desk. I just want my e-mail again.”
Me: “No, ma’am, your desktop, on your computer screen. Can you click on the little blue ‘e’ on your computer screen for me?”
Client: “Oh, this is too much work. I’m too upset. Just send me my e-mail. Can’t you send me my e-mail?”
Me: “We…okay, ma’am. Can you tell me what color the lights are on your router right now?”
Client: “My what?”
Me: “The little box with green or possibly a couple of red lights on it right now - it’s most likely near your computer?”
Client: “Lights and boxes, boxes and lights, just get my e-mail for me.
Me: “My test is showing that you should be able to get online right now. Can you tell me what you’re seeing on your computer screen?”
Client: “It’s been the same thing for the last two hours.”
Me: “An error message?”
Client: “No, just stars. It’s black and moving stars.”
Me: “…Do you see your mouse next to your keyboard?”
Client: “Yes.”
Me: “Move it for me.”
Client: “Move it?”
Me: “Yes. Move it.”
Client: “My e-mail!”
Sunday 20 November 2011
Friday 18 November 2011
Thursday 17 November 2011
examinations!!
six things boys do in examination hall!
1> counting number of girls
2> sighting the lady supervisor
3> counting the number of windows and doors
4> seeing the brand name of pen
5> feelings for wasting the last night without studying
6> think to study well atleast for next exam
six things girls do in examination hall
(whether they know or don't know!)
1> write
2> write
3> write
4> write
5> write
6> write
god only knows what they write!!
by:ashish
1> counting number of girls
2> sighting the lady supervisor
3> counting the number of windows and doors
4> seeing the brand name of pen
5> feelings for wasting the last night without studying
6> think to study well atleast for next exam
six things girls do in examination hall
(whether they know or don't know!)
1> write
2> write
3> write
4> write
5> write
6> write
god only knows what they write!!
by:ashish
Wednesday 16 November 2011
Tuesday 15 November 2011
financial management
A beggar found rs 100.
He went to 5 star hotel for dinner.
Had his delicious feast and bill amount was rs 3000.
With his total amount not worth paying the tip...Manager handed him to police.
He gave rs 100. to police and was set free.
Its called FINANCIAL MANAGEMENT without MBA.
by: kunal
He went to 5 star hotel for dinner.
Had his delicious feast and bill amount was rs 3000.
With his total amount not worth paying the tip...Manager handed him to police.
He gave rs 100. to police and was set free.
Its called FINANCIAL MANAGEMENT without MBA.
by: kunal
Monday 14 November 2011
optical illusion
stare at the center of the image....see the colours disappearing in a few seconds...
wonder how the hell does it happen!
Sunday 13 November 2011
can't get funnier
Teacher: give me one example of a Coincident?
Santa: my mother and father, both have the same date as marriage anniversary..!
Santa: my mother and father, both have the same date as marriage anniversary..!
Saturday 12 November 2011
japanese tourist!
A Japanese came to India. He took a AUTO to go to the airport.
On the way a HONDA overtakes,
Japanese: HONDA made in JAPAN very fast.....
Next a TOYOTA overtakes, he said TOYOTA made in JAPAN, very fast.
Airport came he asked how much?
Driver: 8000Rs
Japanese: why so expensive?
Driver: METER made in INDIA very fast...
On the way a HONDA overtakes,
Japanese: HONDA made in JAPAN very fast.....
Next a TOYOTA overtakes, he said TOYOTA made in JAPAN, very fast.
Airport came he asked how much?
Driver: 8000Rs
Japanese: why so expensive?
Driver: METER made in INDIA very fast...
Thursday 10 November 2011
Wednesday 9 November 2011
Tuesday 8 November 2011
Saturday 5 November 2011
check your IQ
dont paste the answer here if you got it...share it on facebook or twitter with your friends to see their IQ
Thursday 27 October 2011
top 10 Bollywood dialogues ever
10. Kuttay, Kameenay mai tumhe jaan se maar doonga
9. Mai tumhara ehasaan zindagi bhar nahin bhuloonga
8. Itnay paisay tum kahan se laaye?
7. Main tumharay bina mar jaa-oongi.
6. Bacchhaaaaoooo. ….
5. Yeh anyay hai bhagwan
4. Bataoo, heeray kahan hai.
3. Tum mere liye mar chuke ho.
2. Police meeray peechay lagi hui hai.
And the number one all time best statement is ….
1. Mai tumharay bachhe ki maa ban-nay waali hoon.
9. Mai tumhara ehasaan zindagi bhar nahin bhuloonga
8. Itnay paisay tum kahan se laaye?
7. Main tumharay bina mar jaa-oongi.
6. Bacchhaaaaoooo. ….
5. Yeh anyay hai bhagwan
4. Bataoo, heeray kahan hai.
3. Tum mere liye mar chuke ho.
2. Police meeray peechay lagi hui hai.
And the number one all time best statement is ….
1. Mai tumharay bachhe ki maa ban-nay waali hoon.
Wednesday 19 October 2011
height of kanjoosness!
Santa: I am so miser (kanjoos) that I went alone for my honeymoon and saved half the money.
Banta: That is nothing, I saved full money. I sent my wife for honeymoon with a friend
Banta: That is nothing, I saved full money. I sent my wife for honeymoon with a friend
Saturday 15 October 2011
Thursday 13 October 2011
Tuesday 11 October 2011
height of drunkness
Boy- "I wasn't that drunk.."
his friend- "Dude you were in my pool trying to find nemo!,
you asked your girlfriend if she was single!,
you were arguing with yourself on the phone and got upset when you hung up!,
you were in my closet yelling 'where is narnia?',
you were throwing rocks at my cat screaming 'go pikachu'!,
you hugged a man with white beard and cried 'dumbeldore you're back!"
and you still say you weren't drunk...!!!
by: milan
his friend- "Dude you were in my pool trying to find nemo!,
you asked your girlfriend if she was single!,
you were arguing with yourself on the phone and got upset when you hung up!,
you were in my closet yelling 'where is narnia?',
you were throwing rocks at my cat screaming 'go pikachu'!,
you hugged a man with white beard and cried 'dumbeldore you're back!"
and you still say you weren't drunk...!!!
by: milan
Tuesday 4 October 2011
pakistani gets shifted to US
Once a Pakistani boy shifted to America with his family..
On his first day at his new school his teacher asked him what his name was..
He replied "my name is Mohammad "
His teacher said you are an American now..your name from today will be Johnny.
He went home and his parents asked "how was your day Mohammad?"
He said "I am an American and my name is Johnny and don't call me Mohammad from today"
He got a nice beating from his parents!
Next day at school his teacher asked "How was your first day in America Johnny ?"
Johnny replied "It has been just 24hours since i shifted to America and I was beaten up by 2 Pakistanis"
On his first day at his new school his teacher asked him what his name was..
He replied "my name is Mohammad "
His teacher said you are an American now..your name from today will be Johnny.
He went home and his parents asked "how was your day Mohammad?"
He said "I am an American and my name is Johnny and don't call me Mohammad from today"
He got a nice beating from his parents!
Next day at school his teacher asked "How was your first day in America Johnny ?"
Johnny replied "It has been just 24hours since i shifted to America and I was beaten up by 2 Pakistanis"
Monday 3 October 2011
difference between civil and mechanical engineers
the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers is that
mechanical engineers make weapons and
civil engineers make targets to test those weapons!
mechanical engineers make weapons and
civil engineers make targets to test those weapons!
Thursday 29 September 2011
Monday 26 September 2011
joke on drunk guy
Police stops a drunk guy at midnight and asked him where he is going!
The drunk replies: To attend a lecture on ill effects of drinking!
Policeman replies: Who's gonna give you a lecture at midnight?
Drunk: My wife.
The drunk replies: To attend a lecture on ill effects of drinking!
Policeman replies: Who's gonna give you a lecture at midnight?
Drunk: My wife.
Saturday 24 September 2011
the great santa!
संता रात कों घर नहीं आया तो सब परेशान हो गए .
सुबह होने पर पता चला के संता रत को बैंक के बहार सो रहा था
सब ने एक ही सवाल पुचा संता को की क्यों वो बैंक के बहार सो रहा था
तभी संता ने बैंक के बहार लगा हुआ बोर्ड दिखाया जिसमे लिखा था " यहाँ सोने पर लोन मिलती है "
Tuesday 20 September 2011
wife calls husband!
Wife calls up her husband
Wife: Where the hell are you???!!
Husband: Darling do you remember that jewelery shop where you had seen a necklace and fell in love with it and I had told you that I have no money and promised you to buy it one day!!
Wife(tremendously happy) : yaa i remember my love!
Husband: I am in the pub just next to that shop!
Wife: Where the hell are you???!!
Husband: Darling do you remember that jewelery shop where you had seen a necklace and fell in love with it and I had told you that I have no money and promised you to buy it one day!!
Wife(tremendously happy) : yaa i remember my love!
Husband: I am in the pub just next to that shop!
Friday 16 September 2011
drama in classroom
Teacher: Whoever answers my next question can go home!
Santa throws his bag out of the window.
Teacher: Who threw that?
Santa: I did, I am going home.
sender: ashish
Santa throws his bag out of the window.
Teacher: Who threw that?
Santa: I did, I am going home.
sender: ashish
Tuesday 13 September 2011
Sunday 11 September 2011
Friday 9 September 2011
Son's birthday
Dad to son: what do you want on your birthday?
Son: Nothing much, just a music system and a sports car surrounding it!
Son: Nothing much, just a music system and a sports car surrounding it!
Tuesday 6 September 2011
the most dangerous alphabet!
Which is the most dangerous alphabet?
" W "
because all worries start with " W"
Who?
Why?
What?
When?
Which?
Whom?
Where?
War!
Wine!
Whisky!
Woman
and finally
WIFE!
" W "
because all worries start with " W"
Who?
Why?
What?
When?
Which?
Whom?
Where?
War!
Wine!
Whisky!
Woman
and finally
WIFE!
Saturday 3 September 2011
Stock market joke
BSE -->Bombay se exit
NSE --> nation se exit
F/O --> future over
NIFTY --> no income for this year
BTS --> buy today suicide tomorrow
NSE --> nation se exit
F/O --> future over
NIFTY --> no income for this year
BTS --> buy today suicide tomorrow
Thursday 1 September 2011
Santa teaches his teacher in class
Teacher asks a question to santa : If Banta borrows 1000 rupees from you at simple interest of 10% per month for 6 months, How much money would Banta return to you after 6months?
Santa replies: 0 rupees madam
Teacher: you don't know Maths!! shame on you.
Santa: you don't know Banta!! shame on you.
Santa replies: 0 rupees madam
Teacher: you don't know Maths!! shame on you.
Santa: you don't know Banta!! shame on you.
Monday 29 August 2011
getting ready for marriage
Girl: Will you love me after marriage also?
Boy: That depends on your husband, if he would allow me :D
Boy: That depends on your husband, if he would allow me :D
Sunday 28 August 2011
husband and wife
Husband was busy reading something when his wife asks him what he is up to since so long?
Husband replies nothing!
Wife taunts nothing?? you have been reading our marriage certificate since the last hour, whats going on?
Husband replies dear I am not able to find the expiry date anywhere in the certificate!
Husband replies nothing!
Wife taunts nothing?? you have been reading our marriage certificate since the last hour, whats going on?
Husband replies dear I am not able to find the expiry date anywhere in the certificate!
Thursday 25 August 2011
why do homework
Teacher to santa
Have you done your homework?
Santa: No, ma'm
teacher: Why?
Santa: I live in hostel...
Have you done your homework?
Santa: No, ma'm
teacher: Why?
Santa: I live in hostel...
Friday 19 August 2011
friends get lost in desert
Robert and Jackson were lost in desert...they were dying of thirst when they came upon an oasis, and there was a Mosque...!
Robert to Jackson: "Look there is a mosque, lets pretend we are muslims, otherwise we'll not get any food or water...I am going to call myself 'Abdullah".
Willson refused to change his name and said: "my ...name is Jackson and i will never pretend to be other than but what I am!"
The Imam of mosque recieved both well and asked their names...
Robert: am Abdullah
Jackson: am Jackson
Imam turned to his helpers and said:
"bring some food for Jackson only"
And then Imam turned towards Robert and said:
"Ramzan Mubarak bhai Abdullah"
Wednesday 17 August 2011
Girl is caught travelling with her boyfriend by dad!
Two girls were having a conversation!
girl 1: I was sitting behind a boy on a bike and travelling home, when my dad saw me!
girl 2: Ohh shit, what happened then?
girl 1: Nothing he asked me to return the money I had taken for bus fare!
by:sagar
girl 1: I was sitting behind a boy on a bike and travelling home, when my dad saw me!
girl 2: Ohh shit, what happened then?
girl 1: Nothing he asked me to return the money I had taken for bus fare!
by:sagar
Friday 12 August 2011
Friday 5 August 2011
what is heaven?
Wife: I heard from someone that in heaven 'husband & wife' are not allowed to stay together??
Husband: Yes darling, in fact that's the only reason why it is called Heaven!!
Husband: Yes darling, in fact that's the only reason why it is called Heaven!!
Monday 1 August 2011
Difference between horror and beauty!
Guess what's the difference between horror and beauty??
A beautiful night is when you hug your teddy bear and sleep...
But horror is when it hugs you back...
A beautiful night is when you hug your teddy bear and sleep...
But horror is when it hugs you back...
by: kunal
Saturday 30 July 2011
santa and banta in the battlefield
During a war!
Santa wore a mosquito net instead of a bulletproof vest!
so Banta was shoked and asked him..."why did u wear a mosquito net instead of a Bulletproof vest?"
Santa replies "even a small mosquito can't make its way through this net!! then how can a big bullet make its way!!! "
by: kunal
Santa wore a mosquito net instead of a bulletproof vest!
so Banta was shoked and asked him..."why did u wear a mosquito net instead of a Bulletproof vest?"
Santa replies "even a small mosquito can't make its way through this net!! then how can a big bullet make its way!!! "
by: kunal
Friday 29 July 2011
Boeing 747 crashes!
Did you hear about the 747 jets which Crashed into a cemetery in Karachi?
The Pakistani officials have so far Recovered 3000 bodies.
Thursday 28 July 2011
Tuesday 26 July 2011
How to deal with a policeman!
It was a bright and sunny morning when Santa was on his way to office on his scooter.
Banta(policeman) traveling on his bicycle stopped him and said "switch off the headlight of your scooter, when there is so much of light around us, why are you keeping it on?"
Santa was irritated by this, he politely obeyed and turned headlight of his scooter off, then he got down his scooter and went near Banta's cycle, he opened the valves of the cycle tires and both tires were flat. He told Banta "When there is so much of air around us why are you storing it?"
Banta(policeman) traveling on his bicycle stopped him and said "switch off the headlight of your scooter, when there is so much of light around us, why are you keeping it on?"
Santa was irritated by this, he politely obeyed and turned headlight of his scooter off, then he got down his scooter and went near Banta's cycle, he opened the valves of the cycle tires and both tires were flat. He told Banta "When there is so much of air around us why are you storing it?"
Tuesday 19 July 2011
Monday 18 July 2011
Drawback of Windows operating system!
Error message shown on the screen during startup in Windows!
Keyboard not connected.
press F1 to continue.
Keyboard not connected.
press F1 to continue.
Saturday 16 July 2011
Interview tips..
Interviewer: tell me, how will all human beings die if water gets over on the planet?
Interviewee(Santa): If there would be no water left, Human beings would not be able to swim......if they are not able to swim, they will drown and thus die :)
Interviewee(Santa): If there would be no water left, Human beings would not be able to swim......if they are not able to swim, they will drown and thus die :)
Friday 15 July 2011
making fool of a doctor!
A Neurologist was seen running behind a patient on the streets!
A Passerby asked the neurologist, what was wrong?
The Neurologist replied "that man came to me telling he wants me to operate on his brain. As I prepare for the operation by cutting his hair, He runs away thereby getting a free haircut!!"
A Passerby asked the neurologist, what was wrong?
The Neurologist replied "that man came to me telling he wants me to operate on his brain. As I prepare for the operation by cutting his hair, He runs away thereby getting a free haircut!!"
Thursday 14 July 2011
It's party time!!
In a party a handsome guy asked a girl, " are you going to dance?"
Girl felt soo happy and said "yes!!!"
Guy replied "that's good, so can i have your chair?"
Girl felt soo happy and said "yes!!!"
Guy replied "that's good, so can i have your chair?"
Tuesday 12 July 2011
poor blind man!
A blind man was out walking with his dog who was eyes for the poor blind man when suddenly the animal paused and pee'd on the man's leg.
The blind man bent down stretched out his hand and figured out where the dogs head was.....on finding his dog's head, he patted the dog's head.
Having watched what was happening, a person on the road said, "Why are you patting your dog? even when your dog just pee'd on your leg!"
the blind man replied, "I know that dear, but I need to know where his head is before I can kick his butt."
Having watched what was happening, a person on the road said, "Why are you patting your dog? even when your dog just pee'd on your leg!"
the blind man replied, "I know that dear, but I need to know where his head is before I can kick his butt."
Thursday 7 July 2011
AXE effect on study!
Class teacher of a boy wrote behind the boy's book for the boy's father: "Please give a shower to your boy before sending him to school!!, He is stinking all the time!!"
Boy's father replies in the same way: "You concentrate on making him study, not on smelling him!"
Boy's father replies in the same way: "You concentrate on making him study, not on smelling him!"
Wednesday 6 July 2011
leakage from the roof
Santa had a leakage from the roof over the dining room.
Plumber asks to santa- When did you notice the leakage?
Santa replies- Last night, when it took me 3hours to finish my soup.!!
sender:shekhar
Plumber asks to santa- When did you notice the leakage?
Santa replies- Last night, when it took me 3hours to finish my soup.!!
sender:shekhar
Monday 4 July 2011
poor friend!
Santa: a friend of mine secretly took my girlfriends number from my cell phone!
Banta: then what happened?
Santa: Nothing, that idiot is still sending romantic messages to his sister!!
Banta: then what happened?
Santa: Nothing, that idiot is still sending romantic messages to his sister!!
Friday 1 July 2011
Saturday 25 June 2011
anger control tips!
Santa: when i get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger?
Banta: I clean the toilet!
Santa: How does that help?
Banta: I use your toothbrush.
sender: ashish
Banta: I clean the toilet!
Santa: How does that help?
Banta: I use your toothbrush.
sender: ashish
difference between potentiality & reality
Youngest Son: "Tell me Daddy, what is the difference between 'Potentiality' and 'reality'?"
Dad:"I will show you"Dad turns to his wife and asks her:"Would you sleep with Robert Redford for 1 million dollars"?
Wife:"Yes of course! I would never waste such an opportunity"!Then Dad asks his Daughter, if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for 1 Million dollars?
Daughter:"Wow! Yes! he is my fantasy!"So Dad turns to his Elder Son and asks him:"Would you sleep with Tom Cruise for 1 million dollars?"Elder Son:"Yeah! Why not? Imagine what I could do with 1 million Dollars! I would never hesitate!"So the father turns back to his Younger Son saying: "You see son, 'Potentially' we are sitting on 3 million dollars, but in 'Reality' we are living with 2 prostitutes and 1 gay!!"
Dad:"I will show you"Dad turns to his wife and asks her:"Would you sleep with Robert Redford for 1 million dollars"?
Wife:"Yes of course! I would never waste such an opportunity"!Then Dad asks his Daughter, if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for 1 Million dollars?
Daughter:"Wow! Yes! he is my fantasy!"So Dad turns to his Elder Son and asks him:"Would you sleep with Tom Cruise for 1 million dollars?"Elder Son:"Yeah! Why not? Imagine what I could do with 1 million Dollars! I would never hesitate!"So the father turns back to his Younger Son saying: "You see son, 'Potentially' we are sitting on 3 million dollars, but in 'Reality' we are living with 2 prostitutes and 1 gay!!"
Friday 24 June 2011
Thursday 23 June 2011
getting admission in San Fransisco State University
George just finished his schooling from San Fransisco. He decided to get admission in San Fransisco State University, so one fine morning he decided to fill up the form to get admission. He told his parents that he would be back by evening.
3 days passed since he left from home, his parents were worried. Then came the call, it was George, his parents inquired about his whereabouts, so George replied "Don't worry, I am here at Washington DC filling up the form, as the form said (Fill in capital only), don't worry I will be back in 2days!!!!"
3 days passed since he left from home, his parents were worried. Then came the call, it was George, his parents inquired about his whereabouts, so George replied "Don't worry, I am here at Washington DC filling up the form, as the form said (Fill in capital only), don't worry I will be back in 2days!!!!"
Tuesday 21 June 2011
shock of a lifetime!
A biker was riding when he saw a girl about to jump from a bridge, so he stops and asks "what are you doing?"
girl replies "I'm going to commit a suicide!"
Boy asks "well, before jumping can you give me a kiss?"
so, she kisses him.
boy replies "wow, that's the best kiss I have ever had, why are you commiting suicide?"
girl replies "My parents don't like me dressing like a girl!"
The biker jumps off the bridge!! :-D
girl replies "I'm going to commit a suicide!"
Boy asks "well, before jumping can you give me a kiss?"
so, she kisses him.
boy replies "wow, that's the best kiss I have ever had, why are you commiting suicide?"
girl replies "My parents don't like me dressing like a girl!"
The biker jumps off the bridge!! :-D
Sunday 19 June 2011
Fact of beggars
Beggar: sir please give me 5 rupees! i need to eat, i haven't eaten since days!!!
Guy: well, I don't have change I've got a 100 rupees note, do you have change?
Beggar: yes sir, I have 95 rupees with me!
Guy: Use those money first then come to ask for more!!
Guy: well, I don't have change I've got a 100 rupees note, do you have change?
Beggar: yes sir, I have 95 rupees with me!
Guy: Use those money first then come to ask for more!!
Friday 17 June 2011
At an African safari
In an african safari;
A Lion suddenly bounced on santa's wife.
She screamed: "shoot him! shoot him!"
Santa: yes yes. I'm changing the battery of my camera
sender: shekhar
A Lion suddenly bounced on santa's wife.
She screamed: "shoot him! shoot him!"
Santa: yes yes. I'm changing the battery of my camera
sender: shekhar
Wednesday 15 June 2011
Latest news from Hell.
Latest news from Hell
M. F. Hussain has reached and is currently drawing a nude portrait of Osama Bin Laden.
M. F. Hussain has reached and is currently drawing a nude portrait of Osama Bin Laden.
Monday 13 June 2011
all the way to sun!
Santa and Banta, both student of I.I.T, Kanpur, were talking about the American Astronauts.
Santa said to Banta, "What's the big deal about going to the moon-anybody can go to the moon. We are sardars we will go direct to the sun."
Banta replied "But if we get within 13 million miles from the sun, we'll melt."
And Santa answered, "So what, we'll go at night." Saturday 11 June 2011
Santa at border!
Santa comes up to the Pakistan border on his bike. He's got two large bags over his shoulders.
The guard Iqbal stops him and says, 'What's in the bags?' 'Sand,' answered Santa.
Iqbal says, 'We'll just see about that. Get off the bike.'
Iqbal's guard takes the bags and rips them apart, he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand. He detains Santa all night and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags. Iqbal releases Santa, puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto Santa's shoulders, and lets him cross the border.
A week later, the same thing happens. Iqbal asks, 'What have you got?' 'Sand,' says Santa.
Iqbal does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand. He gives the sand back to Santa, and crosses the border on his bike. This sequence of events is repeated every day for three years.
Finally, Santa doesn't show up one day and the guard Iqbal, meets him in a 'Dhaba' in Islamabad.
'Hey, Buddy,' says Iqbal, 'I know you are smuggling something. It's driving me crazy. It's all I think about...I can't sleep. Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?'
Santa, sips his Lassi and says, 'Bikes'
Thursday 9 June 2011
Smart Santa
A Santa and an American are seated next to each other on a flight from New York to Paris. The American asks if he would like to play a fun game.
The Santa, tired, just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The American persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me five dollars, and vice versa."
Again, he declines and tries to get some sleep.
The American, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer, you pay me $10,and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $1000."
This catches the Santa's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment, agrees to the game.
The American asks the first question: "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"
The Santa doesn't say a word, reaches into his wallet,pulls out a $10.00 bill, and hands it to the American.
"Okay," says the American, "your turn".
He asks, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"
The American, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer & searches all his preferences........no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress... no answer.
Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers but to no avail.
After an hour, he wakes the Santa and hands him $1000.
The Santa thanks him and turns back to get some more sleep.
The American, who is more than a little miffed, stirs the Santa and asks, "Well, what's the answer?"
Without a word, the Santa reaches into his purse,hands the American $10,and goes back to sleep. Wednesday 8 June 2011
Santa's pregnant wife
Santa sent a SMS to his pregnant wife. Two seconds later a report came to his phone and he started dancing. The report said, "DELIVERED".
Tuesday 7 June 2011
santa's son at medical college
Santa: I am a proud father, my son is in medical college.
Banta: what is he studying?
Santa: He is not studying, they are studying him!!!!
Banta: what is he studying?
Santa: He is not studying, they are studying him!!!!
Thursday 2 June 2011
Saturday 28 May 2011
conspiracy against pakistan!
Manmohan and Obama are sitting in a bar. A guy walks in and asks the barman, "Isn't that Obama and Manmohan?" .
The barman says "Yes, that's them."
So the guy walks over and says,"Hello, what are u guys doing?"
Obama says, "We're planning world war 3"
Guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"
Manmohan says, "Well, we're going to kill 14 million Pakistanis and one bicycle repairman."
The guy exclaimed, "A bicycle repairman?!!!
" Manmohan turns to Bush and says, " See, I told you no-one would worry about the 14 million Pakistanis!"
The barman says "Yes, that's them."
So the guy walks over and says,"Hello, what are u guys doing?"
Obama says, "We're planning world war 3"
Guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"
Manmohan says, "Well, we're going to kill 14 million Pakistanis and one bicycle repairman."
The guy exclaimed, "A bicycle repairman?!!!
" Manmohan turns to Bush and says, " See, I told you no-one would worry about the 14 million Pakistanis!"
Thursday 26 May 2011
two strangers on a train!
Two strangers, A man and a woman were assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train.
Initially uneasy over sharing a room, they were tired and they slept, He in the upper birth and she in the lower birth.
At 1 AM, the man leans over and gently wakes the women and says "mam I am sorry to bother you, but will you please reach into the second closet to get me a second blanket?, I am awfully cold."
woman replies "I have a better idea, just for tonight let us pretend we are married."
"woow!, that's a fantastic idea." man exclaimed with a huge smile on his face.
She replies "Now get your own damn blanket!"
Initially uneasy over sharing a room, they were tired and they slept, He in the upper birth and she in the lower birth.
At 1 AM, the man leans over and gently wakes the women and says "mam I am sorry to bother you, but will you please reach into the second closet to get me a second blanket?, I am awfully cold."
woman replies "I have a better idea, just for tonight let us pretend we are married."
"woow!, that's a fantastic idea." man exclaimed with a huge smile on his face.
She replies "Now get your own damn blanket!"
Santa buys a radio!
Santa brought a radio from a shopkeeper!
Next day he goes back to the shop, Angry!!
Santa: U cheated me.
Shopkeeper: No, I sold you a good radio.
Santa: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says this is 'All India Radio! '
Shopkeeper: No, I sold you a good radio.
Santa: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says this is 'All India Radio! '
Santa as a museum guide!
Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?
Santa(museum guide): An old king's skeleton.
Tourist: Who's that smaller skeleton next to it?
Santa(museum guide): That was same king's skeleton when he was a child.
Santa(museum guide): An old king's skeleton.
Tourist: Who's that smaller skeleton next to it?
Santa(museum guide): That was same king's skeleton when he was a child.
Wednesday 25 May 2011
Monday 23 May 2011
Airline company's new scheme!
An Airline company launched a scheme where a husband can take his wife for free on a Business trip.
After huge success of the scheme, the airline company sent letters to all wives asking about their experience and feedback!
to which 99% of wives replied "which trip?, when?, what scheme?"
After huge success of the scheme, the airline company sent letters to all wives asking about their experience and feedback!
to which 99% of wives replied "which trip?, when?, what scheme?"
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